Conversation 1: This is Not a Bill

O: This is UPMC Physician Services. We've been trying to reach you for several months regarding an unpaid bill.

K: Ok, what was the bill for?

O: A part of the account that was not settled.

K: Did you send me a bill?

O: Yes, I have on record that we sent several paper bills.

K: (searches through folder) Did you send a bill that was labeled, "This is not a bill"?

O: Umm, yes, it might say that.

K: So why would I think that it's a bill that I should pay?

O: It reflects $10 that was never paid.

K: Yes, but it says that it is not a bill.

O: Well, I can look it up to check. (O checks computer) Yes, that charge is correct. We did send you notice of this already.

K: Ok, then, can you please send me a bill that does not say, "This is not a bill" that reflects those charges? I will be happy to pay it.

O: Yes, I can send something else out.

***Two weeks passes***

K opens two letters - the first says, "This is not a bill"...the second says, "Your account is now seriously past due. Please act immediately to avoid collections."

Mmmmm...