I'm a Little Tired Now

Thankfully, emphasis is on the "little." Mark O wakes up 1-2 times each night to nurse, but usually goes right back to sleep. When he cries, he is hungry, tired or needs a new diaper. Occasionally he really freaks out when he has to fart. Address those needs and he stops crying. Just like in the books. It's actually kind of awesome.

Newborn Laurel kicked my ass. She cried a lot. And loudly. I can relate to what this woman wrote about her experience with her newborn. It was painfully exhausting at the time, but in retrospect, it all seems kind of funny. In a blurry sort of way.

We had endless strategies for comforting her. She liked when we ran the vacuum cleaner next to her cradle. We listened to Yo La Tengo's Pass the Hatchet, I think I'm Goodkind on endless repeat, while vigorously rocking her stroller back and forth directly in front of the stereo speakers. We wrapped her up tightly against our chests in the Moby Wrap and bounced up and down on a yoga ball for hours in the evening. I stopped eating dairy. I nursed her more. I nursed her less. I gave her formula. We swaddled her in something called a "Miracle Blanket". I had a half dozen methods for laying her in her crib without waking her up. We became very superstitious about sleep. We tiptoed around the house and rigged up complicated systems for generating white noise (it had to be very, very loud white noise. Laurel scoffed at those stupid little stuffed animals that play"soothing" sounds). Despite all of these efforts, most days she just cried for 3 or 4 hours. Straight. For no discernable reason.

Strangers and friends offered us advice. Put rice cereal in her bottle! Let her cry it out! Try baby wearing!

I thought I must be a very bad mother. I cried a lot. There were many nights when I slept for less than 2 hours. Did you ever stay up all night partying and get hung over before you actually make it to bed? That's how I felt all the time. Shaky and nauseous.

But when people asked me how I was doing, I said the same thing that I do now. "I'm a little tired."

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