Hockey

It's a good thing when you are watching hockey and you think, "It's really too hot for hockey." This means it's June and your team made it to the Stanley Cup finals. Pens fans suffered this weekend, however, as we watched our boys lose twice. Here are some words from my sister that sort of sum it up.

Dear Coach Dan,
WTF was that? I have been looking forward to the Stanley Cup Finals all year and your team decides not to show up for the first two games. I’m sorry. That may be a bit harsh, it’s just the warm I.C. Light churning in my stomach. Back to the issue at hand. I can understand the loss in Game 1. We were in enemy territory in the first game of a series with a lot of hype. But losing Game 2 just one day later? Come on. The average age of a Red Wing has to be close to 57. I think half our team can’t even legally drink and, yet, we appeared to let them run circles around us. What I fear even more than the devastation of these first two loses is the ridicule that I will have to suffer from my So-Cal co-workers tomorrow morning who can’t figure out what this sport is and why I like it so much. Since I wish to suffer no further humiliation I am offering some tips for Game 3:
1. Get Fleury some bigger pads. Osgood’s pads give him a wing span of about 10 feet and allow him to sit idly in front of the net and continue to make saves.
2. Zetterberg is on Crosby like a fries on a Primanti’s sammich. Sid has not been much of a factor in the first two games. Feed Zetterberg a Primanti’s sammich so that he can’t skate as fast.
3. Geno needs to be on the ice for every play. If he doesn’t score more goals his mom and dad will be very upset and I don’t want to see them upset.
4. If Geno does need to rest, get Letang out there. I have been waiting for an opportunity to do ‘LeTang in Your Face’ with my brother and we have some cheap vodka and orange sugar powder that’s waiting for action.
5. Do not let Hal Gil play. Is it his job to stand in front of the goal and fall on Fleury when he’s trying to make a save? I think that’s what he thinks he’s supposed to do. Stop that.
6. Encourage someone to get in a fight that he will not win. I think Talbot is good for that and it really seems to rally the team.
7. Shoot the puck really hard at Osgood. A lot. He will eventually fall over and give us a wide-open net.
8. And finally, pray to our leader Lemieux for strength. There’s a reason that he always sits so high up. He might just be God.
I think that if you heed this advice we have a chance at victory. We are hungry. We want Lord Stanley to come home. Hossa is hungry too and has some big words to eat and I’m sure that Sid would gladly serve them to him. So even though everyone in the bar will ask me what this weird game is that I’m watching I will dutifully wear my black and gold and desperately clutch my rally towel. I will scream at the TV and hug a stranger when we score. I will quote Mike Lange and curse the network announcers. I will make the people of Southern California think that I am totally out of my mind.
Now go out there and make me proud.
Yours truly,
#1 San Diego Fan